It's about to get all sorts of vulnerable up in here.
In honor of my exciting start into boudoir and intimate in-home couples sessions, I thought I would share a piece that I wrote almost two years ago about self-worth. It's been sitting in my blog drafts for a little over a year, waiting for the perfect time to surface. Waiting for the moment I was comfortable enough to share a piece of me. Waiting.
This piece isn't necessarily going to uplift you. It isn't necessarily meant to start a conversation. But rather, I want you to find where it becomes comfortable in your soul - is it towards the front, or more in the middle, hitting home? Maybe it doesn't become comfortable at all, and you quit reading halfway through in boredom.
But to quote only the most annoying psychologists and therapists, so many emotions and experiences come in seasons. It can sometimes be easier to love ourselves in the winter, when warm sweaters make us feel small. Or maybe summer convinces you to reassess your relationships, because some friends wear the Busy Badge of Honor and have never been to the beach with you. No matter what it is or when, know that your worth is not defined by how you are treated and labeled and selected amongst the group you're in. Your worth cannot be defined by anyone other than you. So what are you going to do for yourself today?
Will you drink your favorite cider and not count the calories? Will you take an extra long shower and hog the hot water? Will you go bra-less today because you just don't eff'in care? Whatever your worth asks of you today, grant it. Because you're worth it. And you don't need a reason or an explanation. You exist, and that is enough.
So take the following words, all or few, and let them guide you into peace today. Let them let you be whoever you need to be, in this moment. Because that, my dear, is enough.
There will come a time when
the fire in your eyes will become
nothing more than the flick of a match on an
early July 4th.
A flick that is
no more able to ignite a temporary fuse
that loses momentum from the time the spark ignites
to falling to the earth.
The same way your heart drops when the thing
you've been daydreaming of
comes to pass in a half-second, or quarter second,
and there's nothing you can do but
let your lungs let out STOP, NO!
I'm not ready.
You never feel ready.
But do not let your resilience die.
Do not become so unforgiving
that the greatest high
is the feeling when you brush fingers with someone you once knew,
and now long to know again.
Do not let your soul become a borealis that you
but become so tired that you
fall asleep upon arrival.
Do not sit and wait for the parking lot to empty so you feel the pressure to go home too.
You are worth more than
a laughline that begins to quiver over time
more than someone who believes
their happiness is built on what they are provided
rather than what they do with it.
Allow yourself to do the silly things
they do in the movies, and laugh about it later.
You have to exceed nothing but your own limits.
You do not have to be a mannequin of expectation.
You merely have to be.
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